Talented Bournemouth – Get Ready For Love
Bournemouth is filled with talented entrepreneurs, artists and musicians, honestly, there’s loads of them! Once a month Lotus Photography dedicates a blog to highlight one of these amazing people.
“We’ve been together 3 years, why are you meeting a Dating Guru?” Mr Lotus moaned rolling his eyes.
My answer was simple “It’s an adventure! Besides, did you know there was a Dating Guru in Bournemouth?”
That’s right, Bournemouth has a Dating Guru, well almost. Aska from Get Ready for Love is not a matchmaker, she doesn’t tell you to buy new clothes, talk a certain way and you’ll suddenly meet the love of your life. Her focus is to help her clients shed all those toxic thoughts and theories about dating (the dreaded “I’ll get a man if I look like Kate Moss” thought) and remind them to be their most authentic awesome self, to fall in love with who they are before worrying about meeting someone.
In the words of RuPaul;
So grabbing my single buddy (for this article we shall call her “Buddy Lotus”) and we headed to Urban Beach where I ordered a spinach & apple smoothie (who else is trying to be healthy for 2018?), whilst Buddy Lotus was in awe of the heated seating in their covered garden area.
The moment you meet Aska you fall a little bit in love. A huge smile, a warm hug and an authenticity and honesty that draws you in.
So what do I call you? Are you a Dating Guru, Coach?
I prefer Dating Detox Expert (DDE). I don’t have much to do with the dating part, I focus on the inner work before you date successfully. I work with women who have been dating a long time and are getting nowhere, in fact I used to be that lady! I dated for about 10 years and had 110 dates, “Project Love” took over my life as I was so desperate to be in a relationship. I can laugh now, but at the time I honestly believed everything would change if I had a man; I would be happier, I would be healthier, I would be prettier, all my problems would magically be gone if only I had a man.
What made you want to become a DDE?
My friends started saying “You’ve dated so much, you should be a dating coach”. I would laugh at them and point out that I clearly wasn’t that good at dating! However, after I did the Dating Detox (DD), I knew more, I knew where I had gone wrong. That was the part I became passionate about.
It had started one morning having been on a date the evening before and I couldn’t remember the date’s name, that wasn’t right because I’m usually good with names! It was a sign I had done too much dating. I had spent so long on so many dating websites, scanning profiles, critically rewriting my own profiles to be (or what I thought would be) more appealing, crafting perfect responses, meeting these guys, I was exhausted, desperate, even numb, that’s not great energy to meet anyone with.
I was panicking “WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?!”.
Was that when you went on your DD?
At that point, I didn’t know it was called a DD. I was scared to stop dating, but I needed a break because I was exhausted and I felt like I had abandoned myself to go on a mission to find a man. So I started doing more stuff for myself, I started meditating more, yoga, swimming, I started doing all the things I had wanted to do and had been saving for when I was in a relationship. I started living instead of waiting.
After a while the desperation, the exhaustion, the idea that I needed a man in order to be happy all dissolved. Instead, I fell in love with myself, I was happier and I knew it was my own responsibility to make myself happier rather than desperately waiting for someone else to make me happy. I didn’t need a man to make me complete because I was already complete.
It was at this point I met my partner. We are very happy, he makes me laugh, but he is not responsible for my happiness. I am.
What’s the worst bit of dating advice you ever heard?
I think a lot of dating advice is quite misleading, you have to play this trick and that trick just so he likes you. I would take all this advice in order to ‘be attractive’, but I wasn’t being authentic. Be mysterious they would say, I can’t be mysterious I talk for England!
If you are busy thinking “I can’t do this, I can’t do that” you’re not present with the person you’re meant to be getting to know.
When I started going on dates being my authentic self after my DD, I was more successful. I became more selective and the men I dated were ready for commitment. It was more about quality than quantity.
The most attractive thing is being happy within yourself.
Do you believe in love at first sight?
I believe in infatuation at first sight, which in some cases can develop into love.
What’s the worst & funniest date you’ve ever been on?
Before I started working on my self-esteem through the DD, the worst date I had was where, only hours before we were due to meet, he sent a blunt email saying “Don’t forget your wallet, you won’t be getting a free ride”. I still went on the date and obviously had to pay for myself, but we started to argue after I raised my opinion on something trivial and it became clear he was very angry at women after his recent divorce. Now, although I would never expect someone to pay for me, I would use my intuition more to know that maybe he wasn’t the guy for me.
The funniest one was just after I had read a book which laid out the dating rules. You should never call the guy first. You should only order a salad. You shouldn’t talk too much. The first date should only last 30 minutes. I went on this date determined to apply all the rules I learned. I couldn’t stop talking and the date lasted 3 hours, I broke every rule! I was even so busy concentrating on the rules and becoming increasingly nervous about how badly I was doing, I even accidentally dropped a condom out of my bag on to the table. At that point, I knew the date was over. If I had just been my authentic self, I wouldn’t have been so nervous.
What happens during your Dating Detox Course?
We focus on letting go of the stigma around being single and spend time improving your self-confidence and self-worth so you can stand tall and be your most authentic beautiful self.
DD lasts 5 weeks; you receive 2 audios a week which includes exercises and at the weekend there’s an additional exercise, but I can’t tell you what they are because they’re a surprise! They are really good fun and are designed to push people out of their comfort zone in a fun supportive way.
What success stories do your clients have?
After the DD lots of my clients are now in happy relationships, but the most important thing is that they are happy within themselves.
How does photography influence your job?
I use it in my marketing, it’s a big thing in today’s online business arena, especially in the coaching business! I saw something about you [Lotus Photography] that said that you don’t over photoshop people, that you focus on showing people as their beautiful self, that resonated with me as I want to be portrayed as my authentic self, not someone clients wouldn’t recognise.
What’s your life motto?
Everything is a lesson, there’s no wasted experience. It applies to my business, in dating, in everything. If you embrace the lessons you’re growing.
This was the point I decided to sit back, slurp my smoothie and leave Buddy Lotus and Aska to talk. I won’t tell you what they talked about, that’s a secret, but after Buddy Lotus with a huge grin said “I love her! She’s right, I need to be more myself on dates”.
A special thank you to all the staff at Urban Beach for spoiling us! I loved my healthy 2018 Green Machine Smoothie, although I was a tad jealous of Buddy Lotus’s decadent raspberry dessert.
The most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. – Diane Von Furstenberg
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